I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
