also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was born a porn star she said
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
