I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
