party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When are your genitals available?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
