When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
