Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
