she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
