i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
