so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
