I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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