i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
