i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
worst night to have a conscience
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
