A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
