so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
