youre lurking in front of me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
