I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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