I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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