This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
