my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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