I wish my penis had an off switch
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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