i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
