If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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