At least make sure they are 18
Why
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
