I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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