If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
