hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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