yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
