Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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