Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
