Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize