Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
