if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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