the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
