Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
