I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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