So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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