I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
