Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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