that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
