No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
