After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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