with your own penis?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
