The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
