I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
