you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I will be naked everywhere
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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