The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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