Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
