life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
