you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
