Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I understand Curling. That high.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
