Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
