i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
